todayiamadaisy (
todayiamadaisy) wrote2008-08-22 11:52 am
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Client is NOT WILLING
I've just a phone call from my bank. They sent me a letter the other day to tell me that my term deposit (a small amount I put out of sight as an Emergency Fund) was due to finish today (Friday) and that I had to come in and tell them what to do next. They also sent a table of interest rates, which varied according to the amount of the deposit, the length of the term and the frequency of the interest compounding. I spent a good hour whipping up a spreadsheet to work out the best rate.
So I went to the bank yesterday (my day off) and got this woman, this very strange woman. So well-coiffed and polite, and yet so... so off, somehow. Softly-spoken and aggressive. First she said, "Before we look at the term deposit, can we discuss your banking?" Oh, all right. If we must. She had a questionnaire on her computer screen (I don't think she realised I could see it) and we worked our way through all three thousand (slight exaggeration) questions. She opened with some predictable questions about my accounts and typed her answers in:
Are you happy with your credit card limit? Client is HAPPY with current credit limit.
Would you like to switch to an Internet-only account? Client is NOT WILLING to change to an Internet-only account.
Then we had a slightly random vein of questions that I didn't see the point of until the last one:
Do you have home and contents insurance? Who with? When is it due for renewal? Would you like the bank to send me a quote for their insurance? Client does NOT WANT an insurance quote.
Then we discussed things that I don't think are my bank's business:
Do you have accounts with other banks? How much is in them? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
Do you have other investments, such as shares or managed funds? How much? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
What about your superannuation fund*? How much is in it? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
She was obviously unhappy at being thwarted in her desire to know all of my business and change all my accounts. Every time she typed "Client is NOT WILLING to give details." her mouth made a little moue of disapproval.
Eventually the inquisition was over and she looked at my term deposit letter. "Oh," she said, "this table of interest rates is out of date. I'll get you a new one." After all my hard work working out the best rate! Drat. So I guessed what looked like the best rate and told her that I wanted the deposit renewed and she smiled icily and started tapping at her keyboard. "Oh," she said, "I didn't realise the due date is Friday. You'll have to come back tomorrow to advise us."
Not likely, lady. I smiled icily back and told her that I would be so busy at work on Friday that I couldn't possibly get to the bank even during my lunch break (during which I am currently tied up writing this), so would she be able to write it down? Perhaps put a reminder on the computer somewhere? You'd think I'd asked if she could take me to Disneyland. Putting reminders on the computer is apparently unheard of. Never done! Not at all! People always come in the the due date! She eventually agreed, though. "Would you like me to call you?" she asked. "If the rates change between now and then?" Oh, all right.
So I went home and did another spreadsheet and worked out that my guess was wrong: I'd picked the second-best rate. Sigh.
Anyway, as I said at the start, she rang me at work just now. The rates haven't changed since yesterday; she was just ringing to tell me they haven't changed. "So I need to know what rate you've decided to renew it at," she purred, almost as if she hadn't put a reminder about it on her computer. This gave me a chance to tell her to use the rate I worked out last night was the best one and she said, "I'm renewing it right now. So sorry to trouble you at work."
So in the end we're both happy: she got to be unnecessarily bitchy and I get four extra dollars of interest in a year's time. Take that, bank!
And a quick question: is "genuineness" a word? It doesn't sound right, does it? At least, I've never said it. Still, it's in the dictionary, so it must be true.
* A retirement or self-funded pension fund.
So I went to the bank yesterday (my day off) and got this woman, this very strange woman. So well-coiffed and polite, and yet so... so off, somehow. Softly-spoken and aggressive. First she said, "Before we look at the term deposit, can we discuss your banking?" Oh, all right. If we must. She had a questionnaire on her computer screen (I don't think she realised I could see it) and we worked our way through all three thousand (slight exaggeration) questions. She opened with some predictable questions about my accounts and typed her answers in:
Are you happy with your credit card limit? Client is HAPPY with current credit limit.
Would you like to switch to an Internet-only account? Client is NOT WILLING to change to an Internet-only account.
Then we had a slightly random vein of questions that I didn't see the point of until the last one:
Do you have home and contents insurance? Who with? When is it due for renewal? Would you like the bank to send me a quote for their insurance? Client does NOT WANT an insurance quote.
Then we discussed things that I don't think are my bank's business:
Do you have accounts with other banks? How much is in them? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
Do you have other investments, such as shares or managed funds? How much? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
What about your superannuation fund*? How much is in it? Client is NOT WILLING to give details.
She was obviously unhappy at being thwarted in her desire to know all of my business and change all my accounts. Every time she typed "Client is NOT WILLING to give details." her mouth made a little moue of disapproval.
Eventually the inquisition was over and she looked at my term deposit letter. "Oh," she said, "this table of interest rates is out of date. I'll get you a new one." After all my hard work working out the best rate! Drat. So I guessed what looked like the best rate and told her that I wanted the deposit renewed and she smiled icily and started tapping at her keyboard. "Oh," she said, "I didn't realise the due date is Friday. You'll have to come back tomorrow to advise us."
Not likely, lady. I smiled icily back and told her that I would be so busy at work on Friday that I couldn't possibly get to the bank even during my lunch break (during which I am currently tied up writing this), so would she be able to write it down? Perhaps put a reminder on the computer somewhere? You'd think I'd asked if she could take me to Disneyland. Putting reminders on the computer is apparently unheard of. Never done! Not at all! People always come in the the due date! She eventually agreed, though. "Would you like me to call you?" she asked. "If the rates change between now and then?" Oh, all right.
So I went home and did another spreadsheet and worked out that my guess was wrong: I'd picked the second-best rate. Sigh.
Anyway, as I said at the start, she rang me at work just now. The rates haven't changed since yesterday; she was just ringing to tell me they haven't changed. "So I need to know what rate you've decided to renew it at," she purred, almost as if she hadn't put a reminder about it on her computer. This gave me a chance to tell her to use the rate I worked out last night was the best one and she said, "I'm renewing it right now. So sorry to trouble you at work."
So in the end we're both happy: she got to be unnecessarily bitchy and I get four extra dollars of interest in a year's time. Take that, bank!
And a quick question: is "genuineness" a word? It doesn't sound right, does it? At least, I've never said it. Still, it's in the dictionary, so it must be true.
* A retirement or self-funded pension fund.