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The Saint and the Sinner
Mar. 20th, 2013 08:24 amI started using Barbara Cartland novels as my entry titles last year, and it occurred to me after a while that I should read one and summarise it under the relevant title. I put it off and put it off, but eventually I noticed that Amazon was selling a Kindle version of one novel for $0.00, and I wasn't going to find a better price than that unless someone paid me to take it. So I read it, and , finally, this momentous day has come.
The Saint and the Sinner by Barbara Cartland
Our heroine is Pandora: eighteen years old, fair and slender, with a heart-shaped face and pansy-coloured eyes.
Pandora is, alas, an orphan. Her late father was the Hunting Parson, a man who liked religion and horses. Her late mother was the daughter of the Earl of Chartwood, family name Chart, who lived in Chart Hall near the village of Chart.
The Hunting Parson and his wife and daughter were poor but happy until, oh dear, tragedy. The Hunting Parson couldn't afford to pay anyone to break in his horses, you see, so he did it himself, right up until the day he put two untamed horses in a carriage, which overturned on Chart bridge, sending the Hunting Parson and his wife plummeting to their deaths, presumably in the Chart River. (Credit to the Dame here. She put a bit of effort into that backstory.)
So Pandora was sent to live with her father's brother, Augustus, a bishop, and his wife, Sophie. Sophie treats Pandora like Cinderella, forcing her to mend and sweep and mop and such. We know Sophie is not a sympathetic character because of her bilious taste in soft furnishings. The drawing room has mustard-coloured curtains and carpet, accessorised with liver-coloured cushions embroidered in green. The reader feels Pandora's pain at living in this colour scheme.
After setting all this up, the action starts when Augustus and Sophie go to London for three days, to attend some sort of all-Bishop garden party. Pandora is at first overjoyed that she will have three days of freedom, during which she plans to ride to Chart and see her old servant friends, but then she overhears her aunt and uncle talking about her. First, they decide that once they get back, they will tell Pandora not to go anywhere near Chart, because her distant cousin, the new Earl of Chartwood, is, gasp, disreputable. He consorts with... doxies and play-actresses! I know, f-list. I was shocked too. Second, Pandora is to be married to the Bishop's assistant, Prosper Witheridge. Pandora doesn't like this idea, because Prosper has clammy hands and a supercilious manner. So, you know, fair enough. I didn't really understand why the Bish and Sophie would have this discussion about what they're going to do with Pandora after their trip to London within Pandora's hearing, when they could just as easily have had it while in London and out of Pandora's hearing. Nor do I understand why they would decide to wait until they get back to forbid her from going to Chart, when their leaving would seem to give her a perfect opportunity to go. But who am I to question? God moves in mysterious ways and so, it seems, do bishops.
Once her aunt and uncle leave, Pandora comes up with a cunning plan. She will kill two birds with one stone: Prosper is easily shocked, so she will to go to Chart Hall to be with her old friends, and meet the doxies and play-actresses while she's at it, which will be so socially shaming that Prosper won't want anything to do with her. Neither will anyone else, so... perhaps not the best plan, Pan. She takes a carriage to Chart Hall and introduces herself to her distant cousin, who it took me some time to understand that, yes, the Dame really has given us a romantic lead called Norvin Chart. Weighed down by his absurd name, Norvin agrees to let her stay at Chart Hall for three days, even though he warns her that she will be Very Shocked by the goings-on. Shocked with a capital V, f-list!
Norvin is described as being a little bit Byronic, which… yes. Not as good as Byron. I think the Dame meant this to be more flattering than I took it. When we meet Norvin, he is sprawled in a chair, with one leg draped over its arm, and he and Pandora converse for several pages before he is described as lifting his leg down, which made me laugh. Just the idea that he's been posing there all that time. It is here that Pandora tells us about the dark Charts. You see, there are two hair colours in the Chart family. The fair-haired Charts are all saints and the dark-haired ones are all sinners. Do you see what the Dame has done there, f-list? How it connects to the title? It's very subtle. Anyway, Pandora is a fair chart, and Norvin, my friends, he is a dark Chart. He actually says as much: 'Pandora, remember that I am a dark Chart and have a temper.' (To be fair, Norvin didn't know about the fair Chart/dark Chart nonsense until Pandora told him, and he was sort of joking here.) Norvin describes himself as a Rake. Not just a Rake, in fact, but a dissolute Rake. That is worse than being a rake, but not as bad as being a Dissolute Rake.
Like all the Charts, he has pansy-coloured eyes.
So Pandora stays. She is indeed Very Shocked at the goings-on. Norvin's lady friends... play cards! On stage they... wear breeches!! And after dinner, they... drink port!!! Worse than that: Pandora realises that Norvin's girlfriend, Kitty, only wants him for his diamond snuff box (not a euphemism). It is all too much for Pandora, who starts to wish she'd never come.
Norvin, though, is not such a dissolute Rake as he claims. He is actually quite decent and has a backstory interesting enough for Downton Abbey to borrow (being from a lesser branch of the family, he only came into the Chartwood title after the other heirs died unexpectedly, and having grown up in poverty, he is struggling with the business of being an Earl and covers up his struggles by bringing in all his unsuitable friends). Anyway, over the next three days, he: twice saves Pandora from his rapey friend, Sir Gilbert Longridge; prevents her from being kidnapped by Prosper Witheridge; sacks his new housekeeper after Pandora finds that she is pimping the housemaids to Sir Gilbert; sacks his estate manager at Pandora's suggestion for reasons that escape me now; rides around the estate with Pandora and re-instates all the old, honest servants that the new housekeeper and estate manager sacked when they took over; refuses to give Kitty his diamond snuff box; rescues Pandora when she is taken hostage at gunpoint at midnight while foiling a robbery by the sacked estate manager; and on the way home from that, fights a duel over Pandora's honour with Sir Gilbert, which results in Sir Gilbert shooting him in the head. Again: three days. Actually more like two-and-a-half.
After a fake-out that makes it seem like he's dead, and another fake-out that makes it sound like Pandora is wriggling around on his bed, Norvin wakes up after being unconscious for several days to find that Pandora has: booted out all his friends (including Kitty), bought him a dog, and plans to move in permanently because the Bish has written to her saying she can't come back to the mustard-and-liver-coloured house because she is no longer suitable for high society. Obviously Norvin is still suffering from his head injury, because he doesn't call security to throw her out. Instead, he suggests that it would be Very Shocking if Pandora just moved in, so they should get married and, presumably, have children with pansy-coloured eyes. They kiss, during which Pandora imagines she is kissing his house (not a euphemism). The end.
( Purple in both eye and prose )
The Saint and the Sinner by Barbara Cartland
Our heroine is Pandora: eighteen years old, fair and slender, with a heart-shaped face and pansy-coloured eyes.
Pandora is, alas, an orphan. Her late father was the Hunting Parson, a man who liked religion and horses. Her late mother was the daughter of the Earl of Chartwood, family name Chart, who lived in Chart Hall near the village of Chart.
The Hunting Parson and his wife and daughter were poor but happy until, oh dear, tragedy. The Hunting Parson couldn't afford to pay anyone to break in his horses, you see, so he did it himself, right up until the day he put two untamed horses in a carriage, which overturned on Chart bridge, sending the Hunting Parson and his wife plummeting to their deaths, presumably in the Chart River. (Credit to the Dame here. She put a bit of effort into that backstory.)
So Pandora was sent to live with her father's brother, Augustus, a bishop, and his wife, Sophie. Sophie treats Pandora like Cinderella, forcing her to mend and sweep and mop and such. We know Sophie is not a sympathetic character because of her bilious taste in soft furnishings. The drawing room has mustard-coloured curtains and carpet, accessorised with liver-coloured cushions embroidered in green. The reader feels Pandora's pain at living in this colour scheme.
After setting all this up, the action starts when Augustus and Sophie go to London for three days, to attend some sort of all-Bishop garden party. Pandora is at first overjoyed that she will have three days of freedom, during which she plans to ride to Chart and see her old servant friends, but then she overhears her aunt and uncle talking about her. First, they decide that once they get back, they will tell Pandora not to go anywhere near Chart, because her distant cousin, the new Earl of Chartwood, is, gasp, disreputable. He consorts with... doxies and play-actresses! I know, f-list. I was shocked too. Second, Pandora is to be married to the Bishop's assistant, Prosper Witheridge. Pandora doesn't like this idea, because Prosper has clammy hands and a supercilious manner. So, you know, fair enough. I didn't really understand why the Bish and Sophie would have this discussion about what they're going to do with Pandora after their trip to London within Pandora's hearing, when they could just as easily have had it while in London and out of Pandora's hearing. Nor do I understand why they would decide to wait until they get back to forbid her from going to Chart, when their leaving would seem to give her a perfect opportunity to go. But who am I to question? God moves in mysterious ways and so, it seems, do bishops.
Once her aunt and uncle leave, Pandora comes up with a cunning plan. She will kill two birds with one stone: Prosper is easily shocked, so she will to go to Chart Hall to be with her old friends, and meet the doxies and play-actresses while she's at it, which will be so socially shaming that Prosper won't want anything to do with her. Neither will anyone else, so... perhaps not the best plan, Pan. She takes a carriage to Chart Hall and introduces herself to her distant cousin, who it took me some time to understand that, yes, the Dame really has given us a romantic lead called Norvin Chart. Weighed down by his absurd name, Norvin agrees to let her stay at Chart Hall for three days, even though he warns her that she will be Very Shocked by the goings-on. Shocked with a capital V, f-list!
Norvin is described as being a little bit Byronic, which… yes. Not as good as Byron. I think the Dame meant this to be more flattering than I took it. When we meet Norvin, he is sprawled in a chair, with one leg draped over its arm, and he and Pandora converse for several pages before he is described as lifting his leg down, which made me laugh. Just the idea that he's been posing there all that time. It is here that Pandora tells us about the dark Charts. You see, there are two hair colours in the Chart family. The fair-haired Charts are all saints and the dark-haired ones are all sinners. Do you see what the Dame has done there, f-list? How it connects to the title? It's very subtle. Anyway, Pandora is a fair chart, and Norvin, my friends, he is a dark Chart. He actually says as much: 'Pandora, remember that I am a dark Chart and have a temper.' (To be fair, Norvin didn't know about the fair Chart/dark Chart nonsense until Pandora told him, and he was sort of joking here.) Norvin describes himself as a Rake. Not just a Rake, in fact, but a dissolute Rake. That is worse than being a rake, but not as bad as being a Dissolute Rake.
Like all the Charts, he has pansy-coloured eyes.
So Pandora stays. She is indeed Very Shocked at the goings-on. Norvin's lady friends... play cards! On stage they... wear breeches!! And after dinner, they... drink port!!! Worse than that: Pandora realises that Norvin's girlfriend, Kitty, only wants him for his diamond snuff box (not a euphemism). It is all too much for Pandora, who starts to wish she'd never come.
Norvin, though, is not such a dissolute Rake as he claims. He is actually quite decent and has a backstory interesting enough for Downton Abbey to borrow (being from a lesser branch of the family, he only came into the Chartwood title after the other heirs died unexpectedly, and having grown up in poverty, he is struggling with the business of being an Earl and covers up his struggles by bringing in all his unsuitable friends). Anyway, over the next three days, he: twice saves Pandora from his rapey friend, Sir Gilbert Longridge; prevents her from being kidnapped by Prosper Witheridge; sacks his new housekeeper after Pandora finds that she is pimping the housemaids to Sir Gilbert; sacks his estate manager at Pandora's suggestion for reasons that escape me now; rides around the estate with Pandora and re-instates all the old, honest servants that the new housekeeper and estate manager sacked when they took over; refuses to give Kitty his diamond snuff box; rescues Pandora when she is taken hostage at gunpoint at midnight while foiling a robbery by the sacked estate manager; and on the way home from that, fights a duel over Pandora's honour with Sir Gilbert, which results in Sir Gilbert shooting him in the head. Again: three days. Actually more like two-and-a-half.
After a fake-out that makes it seem like he's dead, and another fake-out that makes it sound like Pandora is wriggling around on his bed, Norvin wakes up after being unconscious for several days to find that Pandora has: booted out all his friends (including Kitty), bought him a dog, and plans to move in permanently because the Bish has written to her saying she can't come back to the mustard-and-liver-coloured house because she is no longer suitable for high society. Obviously Norvin is still suffering from his head injury, because he doesn't call security to throw her out. Instead, he suggests that it would be Very Shocking if Pandora just moved in, so they should get married and, presumably, have children with pansy-coloured eyes. They kiss, during which Pandora imagines she is kissing his house (not a euphemism). The end.
( Purple in both eye and prose )