Cheese rings and royalty

If someone asked me who I'd stand by the side of the road and wave a flag at, I'd be hard-pressed to think of anyone. Standing about and waving flags isn't really my scene. But quite a few Australians have been doing just that to see Prince William, and then saying how super and nice and good at talking to people he is. I'm quite good at explaining monthly spending patterns, and do you know why? Because IT'S MY JOB, much as being good at talking to people is his. I don't draw flag-waving crowds to watch me do my thing, though they'd be welcome. It's been a bit strange, watching otherwise sane people lose their collective minds over the visit of a balding young man, but there you go.

I don't begrudge William this. I mean, I don't get the royal mania from my compatriots, but William himself, eh, he's got to do something. He might as well make himself useful. What I really don't get is the insistence by the media and every woman who met him that he is a 'handsome' prince. I've always suspected that I missed the International Conference of Women that decided Jude Law is a hottie, and it seems the same event passed a memo about Prince William too. He's young and he's not unattractive, but 'handsome' is stretching it.

But it's summer, and slow news time. Anything is a distraction. There was a lot of attention in the press last week about Middle East tensions expressed through giant pots of hummus (some Lebanese chefs whipped up a world-record-sized batch, only to be beaten by some Israeli hummus-makers shortly after. A retaliatory hummus is planned, apparently. If only all the world's trouble-spots could carry on their conflict through food. What a better world it would be.)

Not to be outdone, the NT News in Darwin took a break from its usual fare of crocodile attack stories the other day, and the result has been all over the national media. And I thought, why should it only be Australians who hear the earth-shattering news about the single cheese ring pack of cheese rings? (Seriously, even though I've reproduced the article below, I urge you to click the link to savour the accompanying photo.)

WE ALL know a packet of chips contains a lot of air and not a lot of chips.

But a Darwin man still didn't expect he would open his bag of salty snacks to find only one waiting for him inside.

Phil Jackson, 54, of Wanguri, brought the Cheese Rings to work with him on Monday.

When he opened the bag he was stunned to find it contained only one solitary ring - barely a mouthful.

Have you been dudded by a munchie purchase? Got a shock after opening the pack? Tell us about it - leave your comment below

"I was devastated," he said. "I put it down to the GFC - money's tight, times are hard."

The innocent snack attack victim had bought them in a large variety pack from the Coles supermarket at Casuarina Square.

Coles spokesman Jim Cooper said he would get a replacement pack.

"We certainly aren't in the business of giving people a single cheese ring in the packet," Mr Cooper said.

Mr Jackson was philosophical, saying the day before he had gone to KFC to get a five-piece wing pack, only to find six pieces inside.

"What you lose on the hurdy-gurdy you pick up on the roundabout," he said.