My Harmful Pioneer

1. There is a little bird stuck in the wall cavity. It's horrible. It's bad enough when it chirps, but worse even when it scuffles about. I feel so bad for it. I've got people coming tomorrow to see about getting it out.

2. To block it out, I turned the TV on and came in halfway through this:

I love the Goodies, but that was unexpected and just a little bit disturbing.

3. Look at this egg house! I love it. I would like that in my garden. I'm really impressed with the interior, which is much more impressive than the exterior would suggest.

4. I have tried and tried but I just don't get 30 Rock. I would like it better if it was just Alec Baldwin.

5. Something else I don't like: films that have lengthy sections filmed at night. I can never understand what's happening and it makes me feel inadequate.

6. Despite being told every year that our office doesn't do presents, our two doctors always get the admin staff something, which is nice of them. This year one of them got us all books related to what he knows about our interests. It was an interesting insight into what he thinks of us. I got Richard Branson's autobiography, which isn't something I'd have picked for myself but given a choice between that and the new novel by the author of The Horse Whisperer (the office manager's gift), yes, Dickie would be my preference (anything would, to be honest). He admitted that this was his second choice for me since he couldn't find his first choice, a book written by Julian Assange because, and I quote, 'that seems like the sort of thing you'd like'. I'm not sure what to make of that. His choice for our boss was Mindfulness for Dummies. Sadly, Angela wasn't in today, so I don't know what he picked for her. I vote these the most interesting office gifts we've ever had.

7. That conversation with Doctor X reminded me of that yesterday I saw the most opportunistic advertisement I've ever seen. It was a print ad for yoghurt featuring celebrity yoghurt eater ('maybe') Julian Assange. It was entertainly random.

8. I'm not sure why, but I get regular emails featuring consumer polls. Would I consider giving a water filter to someone for Christmas? ('No.') What's my favourite use for a Chux dish cloth? ('I don't use Chux.') Today's poll was about custard:

[Poll #1657506]

9. I thought it was interesting in that it assumes that the poll-taker buys custard in tubs, and doesn't make it from scratch (or from a powder). I had to pick 'some other way', because while I would eat custard on its own with a spoon, I would eat it out of a bowl. I didn't want to entrench their unjustified assumption about where I get custard from.

10. It turns out I don't have ten things to say.

ETA: 11. Yes, I do. Today I saw a book called 100 Quotes from Charles Eames. I really hope it's stuff like, 'Pass the salt, please, mother.'

My Optimum Issuance

Bird in the wall update: I've not heard any chirping or scuffling since I got up this morning, which I suppose means it's either out or dead. The panelling will come off later this afternoon to find out for sure.

There was a river of tiny white styrofoam balls along the road today, running down the hill. Someone's beanbag filling obviously got away. Not good for the environment, obviously, but lovely to watch: it was quite gusty and they were being blown into the air in little spirals. There's an idea for street artists looking for something new.

Also, there were workmen installing another ATM at one of the main banks. They'd cut a hole in the wall and put a large, square frame into it and were talking through it each other, one from the inside and one from the outside. So that was something a bit different.

I went to the shop to buy the papers, which normally cost $2.70 for the two I get. This morning the man behind the counter said apologetically, 'It's three-seventy today, the Age is a special double issue.' I only had three dollars with me, so he said, 'Pay the seventy cents when you come in tomorrow.' So that was nice of him. I said it would be good if the Age had thought to put that somewhere in yesterday's paper so people would know, and he said he didn't realise until after he'd sold half his stock of Ages this morning. 'So I rang Rogers [the central newsagent where he gets his stock from] to give them a piece of my mind for not telling me, and they didn't know either. I was telling them!' I suspect the Age might be getting a few phone calls from irate newsagents today.

What else? I've done almost all my Christmas shopping. The only thing left is for my mother's partner, John. He is hard to buy for, so I normally make him some gingerbread or ginger biscuits. Something with ginger in it, basically. He likes ginger but my mother doesn't and so doesn't normally buy ginger biscuits. So if I make some for Christmas, he gets something he wouldn't normally have and also doesn't have to share them. My mother said to me the other day, 'Are you making John some ginger biscuits this year? Make that recipe you used last year. I don't normally like ginger, but I loved them.' That's not the idea at all. I'll have to double the ginger component to put her off.

I have finally finished my annual newsletter thing. For newcomers (and old-timers who have better things to do than remember this), I am one of those people who do end-of-year letters. Don't worry, though, It's not just a list of all the wonderful things I have done, largely because I don't do wonderful things and it would consequently be a very short letter. This year I kept putting it off, thinking I had plenty of time, only to find that Christmas cards were starting to arrive in the mail and I actually didn't have plenty of time at all. But I managed to put a little something together and you can download it here if you'd like (this is the LiveJournal edition with personal details cunningly altered). You could print it out and pretend I sent it. Be the envy of all your friends! Or not.